quick food for thought (mainly for me).
The HRT process, mental, and physical changes lead both post-adolescent trans fem and trans masc people to go through a phase that is basically puberty part 2. For a newly transitioning person, like me in 2022, it was so fucking cool to learn that my body was going to change. I hated my first puberty when I was 12. I hated my voice cracking and dropping; I hated how it felt to be put into a box of a little man. Even typing this out now makes me feel slimy about it because that was such a different person. Now at 27, I’m still in the midst of my second puberty and it’s soooo exhausting. Everyone knows that style is so subjective, yet from my observations, I feel that people’s personal style intertwines in the same general 16-lane highway where people feel safe in. For the most part, uniformity means safety and for trans folx, that is inherently true. Going back to style: picking so many is exhausting. I know that the world is my oyster and I can be whoever I want blah blah blah, but I need to pick my battles. My life for the past year and a half, and for the foreseeable future until I “pass” 100% of the time, is a game of mental chess, but more of a survival simulation instead of game. While I acknowledge that someone can have many styles, I’m still in the process of what type of clothes I like on my body and that is truly a lot.
For those unfamiliar, “passing” is the act of literally passing as the gender you want to be seen as in society. It’s such a controversial topic because in a perfect world, passing shouldn’t be a thing if you don’t want it to be. I am a true believer that there are an infinite number of ways to be a woman. But we don’t live in a perfect world. For the most part, at least down here in Texas and in Mexican culture, there is a right way to appear like a woman and there is a wrong way. If you’re born cis, then sure do whatever you want. Wear your hair short, have your nails unpainted, don’t do your makeup, buy men’s clothes, because we all clearly know you are a woman. If you’re trans though, then PLEASE, put in some effort! I feel like people, strangers and some friends (and even family), silently expect me to put in the effort to appear as feminine as possible all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love “traditional” femininity; I love dressing up and looking cute, but it gets exhausting when society kind of expects me to adhere to that 100% of the time.
I don’t know many trans people who love transitioning. No one likes the process and for many of us, including me, it’s very difficult to go day in and day out with a version of yourself in your head that doesn’t fully match what you see in the mirror. We just want to be at the end and let our biggest worry just be what style we would like for ourselves.
thanks for reading ♡♡
Thank you for sharing this. Makes me feel not alone as I struggle and fail to look non-binary.