I’ve been moving & unpacking & trying to sift through the memories in the shape of “things”. The muscle aches from my forearms and upper body are reminders of how much I hate packing and how I should save $$ for movers next time because my sanity escapes me when I have to move cardboard from point A to point B. That being said, I love our new place. It’s brown & cozy & it’s a great change from our large studio layout apartment that maxed out at around 980 sq ft. It’s a nice change with my girlfriend and this is the 5th apartment that we have lived in together in the 3.5 years that we’ve been dating. This leads me into the question I wanted to answer today:
Question from a friend:
How did you and your partner make it work after you started your transition?
It was a lot in the beginning to figure out. Amber and I met on Tinder late Summer / early Fall of 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. I was living on my own in state college while she was going to uni about 1.5 hrs away. With the lack of human connection and a mild state of panic, I think it’s safe to say that we both were equipped with enough vulnerability to make us happen. We spent 6+ hours talking through facetime as our first dates and I instantly knew that we had something going on together. Fast forward a month or two and we were sharing a tiny bedroom in a 2x2 apartment. In retrospect, that was so quick. I have no idea what we were both thinking when I invited her to stay over indefinitely and she just simply agreed to it (not to the mention that I was still presenting as a guy whenever we first met). But it worked. A toothbrush on the bathroom counter turned into her skincare on my shelf and later to buying a metal clothing rack from Amazon for her portion of her closet. Every sunrise was full of warmth from her smile as I woke up with her by my side and our morning ritual was born from our love of iced lattes and “little treats”. We brought out each other’s best qualities and still continue to do so.
The big question here is how did it work after you came out? Amber and I started dating October 23, 2020, but I “came out” circa May 2022. The time in between was both equally wonderful and depressing. My relationship was flourishing, but was also starting to bleed because of my mental state. When I met amber, I hit pause on the self discovery portion of my identity and just ignored it. It later caught up to me to the point where I couldn’t give her enough of my mental space. A rocky night (we’ll talk about that in another post) shook my world and I was now faced with the decision to either transition or inevitably go down a path of self destruction; there was no other option. I knew that Amber had previously stated that she was sexually attracted to women, but she didn’t know if she could date them. Me coming out to her as a trans girl was something that we didn’t plan for and didn’t expect.
The discussion was a rough one at first. She was afraid of not being attracted to me anymore & about the change of our dynamic. I also feared that transitioning was going to ruin my life. As silly as it sounds, I didn’t want to be ugly. I didn’t want to be seen as a freak or someone just pretending to be someone I wasn’t, but obviously that was my own transphobia talking. Given the fact that this was all new to us, I feel like all of this was justified during that time. A few sessions in couple’s therapy along with some intense self-reflection and vulnerability gave us the chance to give our relationship a try. She later also did, in fact, confirm her bisexuality and that was enough to just try. A lot more happened in our two years after that and we’re still here! Even more in love than ever before. She’s my favorite cosmic event and little taste of fate. I like to think that no matter what multiverse is out there, we’re meant to be together in all forms. She’s my best friend and guiding light. We may just be two grains of sand in this world, but she’s my favorite one.
international women’s day
every day should be women’s day. from my friend carrie:
“International women’s day is so important because it acknowledges our empowerment and our progress in society internationally. It is a day of self-reflection to see where we stand and what we need to work on. We have only recently been acknowledged for our importance and contribution to society as international women’s day was created ONLY 49 years ago. Although we should uplift women everyday, this day reminds us to uplift and empower all the strong unique women that surrounds us every day as well as ourselves.”
I’m so incredibly grateful for the strong women in my life. for all of those women who are reading this, thank you for being such a wonderful role model for me as I navigate my late 20s as a trans woman. Thank you to the mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, daughters, and teachers who raised us and who, at some point, have shown me the beautiful image of health in womanhood.
thank you for reading ♡♡♡
this is beautiful!
this is so so lovely thank you for sharing!! <3